Life would have been much more simple for Bunny and me if it wasn’t for Uncle Kirk.
This is how Bunny looked before Uncle Kirk started visiting on a regular basis:
This is how Bunny looks now:
This is who is responsible for Bunny’s current state:
Kirk the Jerk is the worst. He’s one of my favorite uncles, but he’s still the worst. Sure, he would “play” with us, but his idea of play and my idea of play were much different and things would usually end in tears.
Kirk the Jerk lived 4 hours away from us and only came to visit during special occasions like Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July.
At first, we always loved when Kirk the Jerk came to visit because he always bought us sugar cereal that Mom would never buy for us. Mom would always limit us to one bowl and Kirk the Jerk would always tell mom:
Kirk the Jerk would get bored real quick talking with my parents and he would try to play with us.
Bunny suffered so much trauma, she had to go to Doctor Dian.
Even though Bunny suffered intense trauma from Kirk the Jerk, she still means the world to me. Sure, she might give people nightmares by the sight of her… but she’s still my Bunny.
Bunny’s been through the thick and the thin with me.
I hate to admit that I brought Bunny to college with me. She currently lives in the trunk of my car. I can’t afford to have anyone—especially potential lovers—find her.
Sometimes I go through these scenarios where they find Bunny the morning after…
Anyway, when Kirk the Jerk wasn’t raging warfare on Bunny, he was helping me kill the game. Mom and Dad came up with a rule that for every swear word Kirk the Jerk said, he would have to give me 25 cents.
Sometimes Kirk the Jerk would give me 20 bucks right when he walked through the door.
I know I’m making it sound like Kirk the Jerk is just the worst… but… He is just the worst.